Was It My Birthday?

A Kish to Remember

Last Sunday, I made my final trip to Kish and everything felt so different. All of a sudden in a long time, there was certainty and not just hope, but realizations of dreams that have long stayed away from me. Now, for all those times that I have been in Kish doing and undoing my life, I am giving one final kiss:

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THE FIRST & FOREMOST
Purpose: To wait for my Tourist Visa back to Dubai
Duration: November 19, 1 night
General Feelings: Excited, it's my first time to visit Kish.
Highlights: Flying on a Fokker 50 plane, Could it really fly?

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THE SECOND & SORRY EXIT
Purpose: To wait for my Tourist Visa back to Dubai
Duration: December 18 to January 21, 35 days
General Feelings: Optimistic amidst diminishing resources & opportinities
Highlights: Unanticipated extended stay. Christmas & New Year in a deserted island. Pinoy Christmas Party by the beach attended by hundreds of other Filipinos tranded in Kish.

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THE THIRD & TIRED EXIT
Purpose: To wait for my Tourist Visa back to Dubai
Duration: March 18 to April 23, 35 days
General Feelings: Still hoping, counting on last chance.
Highlights: Newfound friends. Spending Lent in Kish. Improvised Cooking by the sea. Bonding & Camaraderie.

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THE FOURTH & FRUITFUL EXIT
Purpose: Visa Change to Dubai, from Tourist to Employment
Duration: June 28, 1 night only
General Feelings: Mixed, happy cause I won't stay long and sad cause somehow I will miss Kish and just about everything in it.
Highlight: Seeing a room mate who has been there for almost 80 days.

Flight of Fancy

June 28, 9:45 PM. I was flying to Kish on board a Fokker 50 plane, one of the rare planes whose sight should remind us that traveling by air should be an option to spare once in a while. I was flying to Kish for one last time, not to wait for something unsure, but to bid goodbye to the island that has sheltered my broken and built OFW dreams for so many occasions. We were flying to Kish, from my window seat, there was nothing to behold outside of the thick rectangular fiber glass. There was total darkness. Down below was the waters of the Persian Gulf. It was a starless night, not even some humpy clouds to shake a little fear among the seated souls. The only thing that seemed to accompany our forty five minute journey was the quarter faced pale moon whose countenance resembled that of an angel's lips smiling like an eternal Mona Lisa.

I was flying to Kish, at 40,000 feet in the sky, my thoughts were never out of my grasp. I was flying and I was enjoying every single moment of it, like a little child having his first airplane experience in an airplane this big. I have traveled to Kish three times before, all for luck and gamble. During all those flights, I never really got to sit and just sit worriless and fine. Now it's different. In less than 24 hours, I knew I'll be taking this same plane back to Dubai, letting my used to be restless thought with almost nothing to think about. The torment and agony that used to fly with me has flown away to the past and now I am flying to the future armed with all the memories that I have banked and all the lessons that I have learned.

I was flying and having nothing to view outside; I focused my fascination on how this little piece of metal was able to lift itself together with 50 other people into the sky only with a pair of wooden like propellers. Airplanes, for your information, in one of the few things that fuel my astonishment and enthusiasm. I remember, when I was little and whenever I had a chance to go to the airport to fetch some homecoming relatives, I would always marvel at the sight of parked planes at the airport and those touching down and taking off. That’s probably what made me believe that nothing in this world is impossible, that even the heaviest thing could fly, that a dream of whatever kind could still soar when you believe in it.

Our forty five minute journey was far less from luxury. The flight was two hours delayed. The plane itself was scary and smelly. The snacks consisted of an orange juice in tetra, orange bread and salted peanuts. But these were not the things that mattered most. These were petty things for a short journey. In all of my previous travel to Kish, all the time that I was on the plane, I was more consumed with the thought of how to spend my time once the plane touched down and not having any certainty as to when I would be back. Now that I wouldn’t have to go through that ordeal, I was flying for the fun of it. Never mind the plane, never mind the view, never mind the snacks, I was flying with my dreams that have kept submerged for so long.

Daluyong ng Diwa

Kakanin

Puto lang ako sinta

May tamis ng maja blanca

Sa palitaw ng dalaga

Sapin saping ligaya

Onli Lab

Maliban na lang kung sakali

Magbago ang pakiwari

Magbalik ka’t manatili

Ako’y iyo sa lahat ng sandali

Dip Insayd

Sabi mo ako’y baliw

Walang dulot na magaling

Sa pagtulog di mahimbing

Iniisip sa pag-gising

Adik

Ayoko na sa ‘yo

Layuan mo na ‘ko

Para kang isang bisyo

Nakalululong nang ‘todo.

Sayang

Dumaan ang Santa Cruzan

Wala akong pakialam

Reyna pala’y ikaw naman

Gabundok kong hinayang

Swit

Nakahiga sa damuhan

Nakatingin sa kalangitan

Bumalikwas nang biglaan

Kinagat pala ng langgam

Sadenli

Nakatingala sa langit

Ang ulap ay pumihit

Ang kwintas ay nasungkit

Napaluha’t napapikit

Paslit

Nagtampisaw sa ulan

Nagsasayaw sa parang

Naghabulan sa damuan

Walang bahid walang muwang

Kabataan

Nagbabad sa ilog

Nagtira ng saplot

Inakyat ang niyog

Muntik nang mahulog

Laro

Ligaw-ligawan

Kasal-kasalan

Anak-anakan

Bahay-bahayan

Tubero

Nakita ko kayo

Pumunta sa banyo

Puso ko’y lumukso

Isa palang tubero

Oras

Di ko mapigil

Kahit anong gigil

Daig pang may pangil

Walang pwedeng sumikil

Orasan

Hawak ng iyong kamay

Ang ligaya nitong buhay

Madaliin mong kumaway

Hiluhin yaring lumbay

Ebikted

Nagpasya ang madla

Sa di umalagwa

At sa nagpabaya

Walang biyaya

Kasalanan Ba?

Nagmahal ka na ba? Siguro naman. Kasi kung hundi pa, mag-isip isip ka, delikado na yan. Nakakaalarma. Nakakapagduda. Nakakatakot. Baka hindi ka tao. O kung tao ka man, baka yari sa bato ang puso mo. Kawawang nilalang, daig ka pa ng saging, ang saging may pusong namumulaklak at nagbubunga ng masarap na prutas. Masarap din ang magmahal, lalo na kapag ang minamahal mo ay minamahal ka rin. Yun pareho niyong gusto ang isa’t isa. Pero paano naman kung nagmamahal ka pero hindi mo ito masabi o kung nasabi mo man, ay nalaman mong hindi naman pala pareho ang pagtingin niya sa ‘yo. In other words, hindi ka niya type, friends lang kayo, in short busted ka.

Masakit malaman ang katotohan, lalo na at hindi ito pabor sa yo. Pagdating sa pag ibig, nakakaloko at nakakabaliw ang mawalan ng inspirasyon. Pero ano ba naman ang saysay ng buhay kung hindi susubukan. Ika nga ng corning kasabihan, try and try lang until you succeed. Ganyan din sa pag-ibig, hindi dapat mawalan ng pag-asa kung minsan nadapa o nabalewala tayo. Malamang di pa panahon at hinahanap pa ni Lord ang taong nakalaan para sa atin.

Kasalanan nga ba ang umibig? Siempre hindi, yan ang silbi natin sa mundo, ang magmahal at mahalin. Mahirap piliin kung sino ang ititibok na ating puso. Mahirap turuan ang puso, mahirap pigilan ang pagtibok nito. Kaya kung kasalanan mang matatawag ang magmahal ng taong hindi ka mahal, magmahal ng isang kaibigan, ng isang taong may asawa na, ng isang taong iba ang katayuan sa buhay, ng isang taong pareho ng iyong kasarian, ng isang taong may kapansanan, ng isang taong walang maipagmamalaki sa buhay, ang kasalanan iyong ay hindi sinasadya dahil puso ang may akda. Pagdating sa pag ibig, mahirap tukuyin kung alin ang tama o mali. Hindi madaling diktahan at hindi madaling intindihin ang gulo at kaligayang dala ng pag-ibig.

Sa pangyayaring hindi naging patas ang pag-ibig, in short na busted ka. Huwag malumbay, huwag mawalan ng pag-asa, hindi ka nag-iisa. Lahat tayo dumadaan diyan. Kasi tayo ay tao. Hindi tayo bato sa dalampasigan na walang pakiramdaman kung tamaan man ng malalakas na alon. Walang magandang bagay sa mundo ang nakukuha nang walang kahirap hirap, maging sa pag-ibig. So kung minsan nasawi, nabigo, napornada, nasaisang tabi, bangon lang friend, baka sa muling pag angat ng ulo mo, nasa harap mo na pala ang hinihintay mo.

This is a re-post.